My view of the world through words & photos
[On Monday, September 24, my husband Bill died. I felt a pain that I would never have believed survivable. But I am surviving. I’ve been away from this blog while I focused on caring for him and meeting our family’s needs. Now I return to once again help myself understand the world around me. These are the words that flowed out from me late Monday evening.]
Today I lost my husband. That just doesn’t sound right. I didn’t lose him…today my husband Bill died. He suffered a massive heart attack and his heart was so weak from fighting for so long that no matter what I did, no matter what the EMTs did, no matter what the doctors and nurses did, he couldn’t recover one more time.
I’m writing now in the dark after putting our daughter to bed, after trying to figure out how to bring our son home from college, and while waiting for my brother to arrive from California because this is what I do – I write to deal. I write and read to understand. I write to organize and analyze.
I know that Bill loved me and I loved him and it was God’s most amazing gift to bring us together.
I know that our beautiful children, Ben and Beka, were blessed with a loving dad who showed them the beauty of a caring father who supported them in everything they did.
I know that my husband was raised by a wonderful, loving and insightful mother whom I thank God for.
I know that he was taken from me too soon but I will cherish every memory of our nearly 22 years together (almost 20 of them as husband and wife).
I know that I am grateful for these last years of unemployment so I could be here helping Bill through all of the challenges he faced.
I know that we have been blessed with family and friends who have supported us, loved us, fed us and cared for us throughout it all.
I know I have a hole in my heart and a stone in my stomach that may never go away completely, but will hopefully cause me less pain with each wonderful memory of Bill.