Midwestern Mom's Musings

My view of the world through words & photos

Less Than 12 Hours Away

In less than 12 hours, I will mark the one year anniversary of the death of my husband.

Those were some of the hardest words I’ve ever written.  It has taken me months to summon the courage to write and post the emotional upheaval I have been experiencing as this day came closer and closer.

While I’ve read all sorts of articles, books and postings about grief and bereavement, nothing is every exactly what I’m feeling and experiencing.  And all of the accurate things I read say that will be the case.  It’s all very personal.  One thing I don’t recall reading about is how time is effected.

Time is a strange thing when you are mourning.  Days seem to last forever and night are even longer.  Weeks and months seem to have lost their meaning in terms of measurements of the passage of time.Large Clock

I move forward.  One step at a time.  One rising from bed after another until I suddenly realize after looking at a calendar that weeks have passed and it’s time to change the calendar page from one month to another month.

Where did it all go?  How can minutes, hours and days seem so long when weeks and months seem to pass by with almost no notice?

Right now it makes as much sense as all the questions I ask about why Bill is no longer here with me.  I don’t know the specific answers to any of those questions.

My faith teaches me that Bill is in the glory of Heaven…and I truly believe that reality.  What I question is why now.  Why couldn’t the doctors have found an answer to end his suffering here with some new medical procedure or medication that would have allowed him to recover and return to us as his previous self.  There are not answers for that this side of Heaven.  That’s another thing I know for sure.

So many questions with so few answers.

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2 comments on “Less Than 12 Hours Away

  1. narnee1127
    September 23, 2013

    My dear Kathy: Anyone who has experienced deep grief knows exactly how you are feeing. But you -you expressed it so beautifully and better than we could. . I want anyone I love who is grieving to read what you wrote.. I am so very sorry you have to experience this. Take heart, be strong and of good faith.

  2. Mary Martin
    September 24, 2013

    Love and peace to you my dear friend.

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This entry was posted on September 23, 2013 by in Reflections, Uncategorized and tagged , , , .
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